we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
