Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Kiss
Puke
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Who died my cat blue again?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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