AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
