Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
