Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
