My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
