Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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