I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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