so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
