good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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