There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
