Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
