I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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