State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
