i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
