Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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