did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
