Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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