doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
