i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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