How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
