I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
