I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
