On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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