He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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