Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
