I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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