Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
What drink are we having for lunch?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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