Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Randomize
