he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
