It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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