I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
