do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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