Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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