She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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