I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
