hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
