you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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