mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
