I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
