Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
