Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
your like the ambassador to my penis.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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