what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
God I need to hump something, right now.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
