Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
