It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
