I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
