I think I am morally bankrupt
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
