I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
