We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Randomize
