I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
