ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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