so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
