tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
