Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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