my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i think i scared a bird with my dick
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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