I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
