I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
