I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
