Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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