And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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