New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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