Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
