does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
