Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
